Dad – My Heart Your New Home…Welcome Home!

अपने पापा की बेटी हूँ मैं
उनकी गोद में पली हूँ मैं
घर के छोटों में
सबसे बड़ी हूँ मैं

उनकी परछाँई हूँ
उनका नाज़
उनकी सचाई हूँ
बड़े लाडों से पली हूँ मैं
अपने पापा की बेटी हूँ मैं

उनका दिल था बसेरा मेरा
उनकी हँसी में भी बसती थी मैं
ले गए साथ अपने
वो बचपन का डेरा
अब अचानक ही
बड़ी हो गई हूँ मैं

अब वो बसेंगे मेरी यादों में
खुद से किए कई वादों में
उनको याद कर
आँसू नहीं बहाउँगी मैं
उनकी सीख को
आगे बड़ाउँगी मैं

Yes, my fingers do tremble and my heart does go heavy when I type ‘was’ in the same sentence as ‘Dad’.

Many of you know and many are unaware of the fact that my Dad was in the hospital since 26th June, 2015. He underwent a brain surgery which left him in a state of coma. He recovered to a stage where he paid attention to what we would say, would look at us when called and would move his hand to hold ours. He had put up a great fight, before taking a leap towards his final journey to merge into the divine.

Early hours of 22nd January 2016, proved to be unfortunate for us. This phase and feeling is the worst part of gaining experience in age, we lose those we treasure. He protected me like a pearl in the shell while he was alive, and ensured the protection while he prepared himself for the final journey. He has left me with a mission to complete all that he wanted to accomplish.

With lots of gratitude and love, I now shall keep him alive in my heart!

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Six month old me with Dad. Copyrights reserved. This pic shall not be used for any purpose.

2015 to 2016

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Dear 2015,

You gifted me the most difficult battle of my life so far. I wish it could end as a victory with you, but alas! Seems that I do have some lessons to learn.  I never knew that I could be a SuperWoman, you made me one. When I get up ‘early’ in the morning, the next instance that I will get to lie down is a question. I have a lot of reasons to mark you as one of the most important ones. You made me realize a lot of things, following are the few:

  • First and foremost, the importance of having a Family – life is too long to spend alone and too short to not celebrate with someone else.
  • How it feels to love (and here I am NOT referring to the ‘romantic’ love) – love makes you a better person.
  • I got to know a few who will ‘jump the fence’ for me – the most helpless moments were supported by some friends and some relatives. Some extended their helping hand unexpectedly.
  • I know the meaning of the phrase ‘challenge your limits’ – I admit that I am physically, mentally and emotionally exhausted, BUT I refuse to give up. When I stand up in front of adversities, I give strength to those who are looking up to me.
  • You happened in my life because I created you in my previous years, I am now ‘knowingly’ creating my 2016, 2017, 2018 and so forth. Coming years are going to be beautifully happy and healthy.
  • Out of sight, out of mind does not necessarily happen if the hearts are connected – I am lucky to have some friends who keep checking with me, irrespective of the fact that most of the times I fail to reply.
  • The most beautiful and overwhelming feeling is when your struggle reflects in someone else’s eyes as moisture. There is no other pure form to feel connected.
  • There is a lot of goodness in this world we just got to focus on seeing goodness around.
  • Life never goes as planned, a fraction of second can change your life forever – acknowledge your feelings, share them with those who need to know them, move on if your feelings are not respected but don’t stop yourself from feeling the emotions. Be humane, be vulnerable.
  • My father once said to me, “Though you are my daughter, but you have also played the role of a Son and now you are filling the space of a Mother”. Daughters are beyond just girls.

Thank you, as I still have hope to make things better in 2016. The motto I carry forward to next year is a line from my favorite ad “himmat sirf tab nahi dikhayi jati jab dikhana asaan ho”.

Goodbye!

Solitude

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…She drove down to the loneliest road she could think of. Sitting at a corner of a bridge she wished that there was a faint overpass in her life too, which allowed people to reach up to her. May be she had some and she herself burnt those with her own hands. In the absence of human presence she allowed herself to break her own promise and lit a cigarette. She looked at the smoke coming out of her mouth after the first puff, there she made another wish. She wished to be the smoke, which existed yet was invisible. She wished to merge in the sound of dry leaves with the blow of wind, she wished to lose herself in the sound of screaming peacocks; her heart was screaming too, for someone who would understand her silence and embrace her the way nature embraces the earth. She looked right through the jungle…through the trees to find the answers but there was none. When there is no one to listen, it is better to speak to the nature…but don’t expect the answers. A drop of tear rolled down her cheek without her permission. In an effort to control that another one became a rebel and then the other and the other. She sat down helpless and scared… Scared of losing control on herself. She was scared that she might repeat what she had seen all her life and what she despised all her life. May be it was this fear that kept her alone, maybe it is this fear which will make her live alone. She always was at the receiving end…of all the hate, the anger, the frustration, the confusion, the regret, the helplessness … And knew that she won’t ever be at the other end…the giving end. The moment she would realise that she has travelled at that far end where she never wanted to be, that probably would be the end of her.

Inked for Life – Dream accomplished!

So, here it is…

My second in last 5 month and it’s a dream come true!

I have carried this wish in my heart for the last five and a half years, since the day Dino left us. I wanted his name to be tattooed on me. A lot of denials initially and good that there were many. Now when I look back I do realise that it would have been a tattoo of despair, but it is more of a celebration now.

My first tattoo is that of the Buddha. Mainly because the life philosophy of Buddhism has helped me overcome the void that was created by Dino’s absence. Only those who have pets would be able to understand what void I am talking about. I was very finicky about the Buddha face. I had eaten their heads with the description of the face I wanted. I wanted it to be a masculine face as most of the Buddha faces I came across were feminine. I did not want a chubby face on chubby me. And it should be a meditating face (eyes closed) yet smiling and peaceful. Each time someone would look at the tattoo, the same feeling of peace and serenity should flow. We picked up one pic, which was that of a statue. Defying all the myths of first timer, I went alone to get the tattoo. Was brave enough to not scream. I could tolerate the pain by making weird faces though. This tattoo is a masterpiece and whosoever had seen the tattoo was in an awe.

This tattoo has another amusing purpose. This is for all those who like to talk behind my back…well, I now have a Buddha watching over you :P

© Garima - I for an Eye

© Garima – I for an Eye

When I got this tattoo from a brilliant guy in Chandigarh, I told them that I would comeback for the second one in June. Chandigarh, however; couldn’t happen. I came across another brilliant reference of someone in Delhi itself. For me if an artist can make a portrait tattoo closer to the picture then he can make any tattoo. Both these guys are impeccable in portraits and hence I trusted them for my tattoos. Till 1:00 PM of 06th of June 2015, I thought that I will have to wait till next year for this one. But within a few minutes things fell in place and I was getting ready for my second tattoo.

When I was deciding for my second tattoo, I chose a very simple design of infinity accommodating a heart and paws at each side. A friend who was shown that design just mentioned angel feathers and I ended up filtering the one that I have now. Thank you, I love the tattoo!

I had added this tattoo in my vision board, with the date distinctively attached to it (in my mind/heart). And maybe that is why there was a sudden change in the situation.

Here is my tattoo..

© Garima - I for an Eye

© Garima – I for an Eye

It is on the left hand, because that hand consists of the vein which goes to the heart. It is at the forearm, though I had decided for the bicep. I changed my mind last minute because with this placement, I can hug my tattoo :D (it might sound crazy, but what makes you believe in my sanity :P ). The tattoo has a dog’s paw at the centre. The tattoo simply says that Dino was an angel of my life who will always remain in my heart. Next is Dino’s name and the date on which he parted.

Needless to say that this one is another masterpiece and is very emotionally attached to me.

So now, a masterpiece by the Master Himself is adorned with two masterpieces for life ;)

More to come; now I know what they mean when they say that getting inked is an addiction. I have already started googling for the next one.

While I was struggling during the day with my own thoughts, something disheartening happened. A friend lost his pet in morning, the one that I enquired about a few days back. I could relate to the pain so much, and I wondered at the unfortunate coincidence…that the day mine was born, his took a step ahead. All I wish to convey to him and all those who have lost someone close is that the more we cry thinking of them, the more trouble we cause to their soul (irrespective of the form it is in) and the more we celebrate them, the more they flourish. This is one thought which made me move on, we would not want our dear ones to be in trouble because of us wherever they are. So for their sake, we need to be happy and we need to smile for them. There is nothing else that will make them happy!

I wish Stanley a very peaceful final journey. May he continue to spread love and happiness wherever he goes next. He would have loved to be your encouraging factor rather than being the one slowing you down in your journey of life. You had a lovely, most loved time of your life with him. And you gave him the best you could according to your knowledge and resources, he will always be thankful to you for that. Wish you the strength to overcome the loss!

Dogs truly are the gift to mankind, wish they could accompany us longer.

PS. My tattoo is my advance birthday gift from my bhai and bhabhi. The best birthday gift I have ever got….Love you both, thank you so very much!!!

Happy Birthday Dino!!!

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Many of the adored ones came and went

Some by destinies

Some by miles

And some simply couldn’t cherish what we had

This is the story of the past till date

I surely will experience a lot of new associations

From this point on

Some will stay till the end

Some will move forward

And some will be left behind

That’s the story of life

If there ever remain One

Who come what may

Will remain with me

Is You!

It’s that time of the year again where I pour out all his memories and replay them in my mind one by one, to relive those five and a half years again. Ours was the easiest job, we were four….we had one to pour all our love at. He had four to love equally. And boy, he must be young in age but was skilful enough to make each one of us feel Loved more than the other three! He was a magician, knew how to bring that ‘awe’ expression on our faces in a minute irrespective of the mood. However, there were exceptions too…but he tried his best in all situations.

A relationship with a pet probably is the only relation where there is no imbalance in the account of smiles and tears. The just wipe the latter and ensure the former. Every human being must …MUST experience the love of a pet in his/her life time. A decision one would never ever regret.

Happy Birthday my angel,

May you keep spreading the smiles and the light. May we meet again, an everyday prayer of mine.

Love forever,

Di

मैं तो सूपरमैन, सलमान की फ़ैन; लेकिन…

ऐसा तो होता ही है…कहीं कोई ग़म माना रहा होता है, तो कोई कहीं उसी बात पर हंस रहा होता है| अभी हाल ही में जब नेपाल में आए भूकंप को लोगो ने नहीं छोड़ा तो फिर सलमान ख़ान कौन से खेत की मूली है? और फिर सही भी है, इतने साल हो गये कोर्ट के चक्कर काटते काटते, डर के रहते रहते की कहीं जेल ना हो जाए…एक बार में कहानी ख़तम करो भाई, हर बार के चक्कर और डर से छुटकारा मिले| ग़लती तो की है, सज़ा भी मिलनी ही थी| अब जितना हो सके बचने की कोशिश तो हर कोई करता ही है, क्या आपने और हमने कभी ट्रॅफिक पुलिस वाले को दो चार सौ रुपए देकर छुटकारा नही किया? तो फिर सलमान ख़ान कोई बाहरी दुनिया की चीज़ तो नहीं अपना रहा| जो इस देश मे चलता आया है, जो चल रहा है और आँकड़े देखें जायें तो चलता रहेगा… बस वही तो किया सलमान ने| फ़र्क बस हैसियत और पहुँच का है| कोई बस दो हज़ार खर्च करने की क्षमता रखता है और कोई दो हज़ार करोड़! तो फिर हम मज़ाक बना किसका रहे हैं? सलमान का या फिर खुद का?

उन लोगों के बारे में तो क्या ही कहूँ जो सड़क पर सोने वालों की तुलना कुत्तों से कर रहे हैं? भाई मेरे, यह एक कहावत है कि कुत्ते को घी हज़म नहीं होता, शायद वैसे ही तुम्हें अपने पैसे और हैसियत हज़म नहीं हो रही| एक ने तो नशे में ग़लत काम किया (शायद) और भाई तुम बिना पिये ही बकवास करने में लगे हो! वाह क्या टॅलेंट है!!! ताज्जुब होता है कभी कभी के भगवान इतना मेहेरबान हो कैसे गया तुम पर?

अब काफ़ी लोगों को मेरा “शायद” लिखना खटक रहा होगा और गुस्सा आ रहा होगा कि मैं ऐसा कैसे कह सकती हूँ, ऐसी उम्मीद मुझसे बिल्कुल नहीं थी वगेरह वगेरह…चलिए फिर, आपकी खुशी के लिए ये मान के चलते हैं कि नशे में सलमान ने ही टक्कर मारी और शायद मान लेते हैं उस उम्मीद को जिसके तेहेत नहीं मारी| खुश? तोड़ा सा भी नहीं? मिट्टी पाओ फिर…आगे बढ़ते हैं…

07-05-2015 01-24-56

तो बहुत सारे लोग इस बात से गुस्सा हैं कि सलमान अगर निर्दोष था तो भागा क्यूँ? अब सब ये बोल ही रहें हैं कि वो नशे में था, जब नशा उतरा तो वापस भी आया ना? और तब से हर वो चीज़ मान ही रहा है जो उसे क़ानून के तेहेत करनी है?
हम क्यूँ ये उम्मीद लगाए बैठे हैं कि सलमान या और कोई भी अभिनेता/ अभिनेत्री एक निपुण इंसान है? ग़लतियाँ तो होंगी हर किसी से होंगी, कुछ माफी के लायक होती हैं और कुछ सज़ा के| हम सब ग़लतियाँ करते हैं और फिर सज़ा से बचने की भी पूरी कोशिश करते हैं| सलमान ने क्या नया किया?
मैं सिर्फ़ ये समझने की कोशिश कर रही हूँ कि इतने सालों से जो वो “बींग ह्यूमन” कहता आ रहा है उसका मतलब क्या है?
शायद यही कि वो भी इंसान है! ग़लती करी, बचने की भी पूरी कोशिश करी…पर जब सज़ा मिलेगी तो भुगतेगा भी|

मैने ये भी सुना कि कुछ लोग विरोध करने के लिए सड़कों पर उतरने की बात भी कर रहे थे| अब ये सुन के उन सब लोगों पर हँसी आई जो सलमान की मूर्ति पूजा करते हैं शायद| सलमान के बहुत से फ़ैन उदास हैं, पर उदासी का मतलब ये नहीं कि वो ये नहीं समझते की सलमान से शायद ग़लतियाँ हुई हैं| इस बात पर भी कई लोगों में आक्रोश है| भाई अब इंसान उदास भी ना हो?

मैं सलमान की फ़ैन हूँ, पर इसका मतलब ये नहीं है कि मैं ये नहीं चाहती कि उसे ग़लती की सज़ा ना मिले| आज शायद पहली बार किसी सेलेब्रिटी के लिए प्रार्थना की| इसलिए नहीं कि उसके गुनाह माफ़ हो जायें, पर इसलिए कि उसके गुनाहों की सज़ा मुक़र्रर करते वक़्त उसने जो थोड़े बहुत अच्छे काम किए हैं उनकी कृपा भी उसे मिले| बहुत से ऐसे लोग हैं जो एक बार नहीं पर बार बार ग़लतियाँ करते हैं, नशे या नादानी में नहीं….जानबूझ कर| पर इस इंसान ने शायद कुछ ग़लती सुधारने की कोशिश तो की| इतना उपर वही उठता है जो बहुत ज़ोर से नीचे गिरा हो| और ऐसा उठना भी हर किसी के बस की बात नहीं है|

उम्मीद करती हूँ और पूरा भरोसा है कि सलमान कोर्ट के फ़ैसले को सम्मान के साथ अपनाएगा|

धन्यवाद!

Zen – A to Z Challenge Day 26

Z

A shooting star

Fresh air to breathe

For someone whose mind is at war

Nothing less than an addiction

I want to experience you again and again

Like the smell of mud after the first rain

Starting the journey of life with you

May not be the end of all problems, but it’s like

Rising from the ashes as brand new

Irrespective of all the chaos and madness

You are one of the thousands of men

Who fill my world with the serenity of a Zen

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~ooOoo~

Click here to know about my Theme for A to Z Challenge

Day 1 – Ajnabi

Day 2 – Believe

Day 3 – Cheat

Day 4 – Decision

Day 5 – Embrace

Day 6 – Fix You

Day 7 – Guilt 

Day 8 – Hide

Day 9 – I for an Eye

Day 10 – Just Not Enough

Day 11 – Kiss and another poem

with the same name – Kiss

Day 12 – Lost 

Day 13 – Music

Day 14 – Naadaaniyaan/नादानियाँ

Day 15 – Ordinary

Day 16 – Perfect

Day 17 – Quiet

Day 18 – Respect, Trust and Love

Day 19 – Search

Day 20 – Tickle

Day 21 – Unstoppable

Day 22 – Vulnerable

Day 23 – Will

Day 24 – X-clusivity

Day 25 – Yin Yang