I am alive…

…yeah, I really am!!! Struggling to find sometime for myself and for blogging. If I ever get some time I prefer to lie down…silently. Feeling each breath.. realising that I am alive…searching for the purpose of this life… I talk to myself more often these days, trying to understand what is it that I want… and what is it that I do for the same…

A lot of things are happening in my life right now… a LOT of them. Sometimes I think that I am getting burdened with the ‘overwhelming’ response that I am getting from people around and from my life…and sometime I think I need more of it to feel better…

I was never this busy…never ever… Dino made me do this to myself… I wanted to be busy as I wanted my mind to be occupied by some thoughts every second of the day…leaving no time to think about the fact that Dino is no more… but I failed…..mind is such a clever thing… inspite of all the busyness it steals time from time itself to think about him… but now I have kind of made a pact with his memories…sometimes when they flood in and I feel that I am about to break-out… I instruct my mind to send them back… and it does… thus letting me behave sane amidst the group of all sane and sophisticated people.  Mind, inspite of being clever; sometimes listens to me…. But heart is vague, even after all these years I couldn’t understand what does it want?? I know… I know… Dil toh bachcha hai jee… but mine behaves like an adult too… sometimes it demands to be pampered and the rest of the times it asks for someone whom it could pamper… sometimes it cries for me and most of the times for others… mind instructs heart everytime it is about to fall… but then…seems that the heart is deaf… it never listens to the wise advice…

 

I fall somewhere between this agruement of mind and heart… trying to figure out what is it that keeps me alive… and IF I actually am alive…?? I believe that till the time I feel sensitive about things around me I would be alive…and let me tell you the fact that I am over-sensitive about everything around me… so when someone took (read stole) my earphones from my desk I felt terrible… they were my favorite… only if someone could realise it… people often told me to keep them in bag..but then I always thought that they were safe even if they lie on my desk as I dint expect someone to do such an act which I couldn’t even dream of doing… but then 1) life goes exactly opposite of what I expect and 2) everybody is not me… anyhow, a lesson learnt and routine changed accordingly… now I keep the other set of earphones in my bag. I dint respond to the idea of floating a mail for my earphones to everyone on the floor, as the person who took them might feel offended… heights!!! Isn’t it??

4 thoughts on “I am alive…

  1. 🙂

    My… my… You have all the symptoms of being frightfully alive ! I’d better write out a quick prescription for you.

    Patient’s Name : Garima
    Address : https://garima82.wordpress.com
    Date : 29-05-2010

    Rx
    1. Laugh heartily – 1 QID (four times a day)
    2. Crack a joke – 1 BD (two times a day)
    3. Listen to music (on the new earphones) – SOS (whenever required)
    4. Write a blog post – 1 OD (once daily)
    5. Smile – All day
    Precautions :
    1. Strictly keep away from analyzing life.
    2. Have a spare earphones set in your bag for emergencies.
    3. Stop being over-sensitive about being over-sensitive.

    *Dr. Shobhit*

    Hope the above line of treatment helps you recover and keeps you cheerfully alive as you are.😀😛

  2. Well, mind is really a clever thing…it keeps fooling you around! So the trick is to make it work on your command than the other way round. To do that, the first thing you can do is to be aware of every thought going through you and letting it pass without affecting you in any way. Just observe it without analysis and judgement. Try this and let me know if this works…further steps will be easy and will make you feel wonderful too🙂 Trust me, being happy is pretty simple!

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