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Solitude

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…She drove down to the loneliest road she could think of. Sitting at a corner of a bridge she wished that there was a faint overpass in her life too, which allowed people to reach up to her. May be she had some and she herself burnt those with her own hands. In the absence of human presence she allowed herself to break her own promise and lit a cigarette. She looked at the smoke coming out of her mouth after the first puff, there she made another wish. She wished to be the smoke, which existed yet was invisible. She wished to merge in the sound of dry leaves with the blow of wind, she wished to lose herself in the sound of screaming peacocks; her heart was screaming too, for someone who would understand her silence and embrace her the way nature embraces the earth. She looked right through the jungle…through the trees to find the answers but there was none. When there is no one to listen, it is better to speak to the nature…but don’t expect the answers. A drop of tear rolled down her cheek without her permission. In an effort to control that another one became a rebel and then the other and the other. She sat down helpless and scared… Scared of losing control on herself. She was scared that she might repeat what she had seen all her life and what she despised all her life. May be it was this fear that kept her alone, maybe it is this fear which will make her live alone. She always was at the receiving end…of all the hate, the anger, the frustration, the confusion, the regret, the helplessness … And knew that she won’t ever be at the other end…the giving end. The moment she would realise that she has travelled at that far end where she never wanted to be, that probably would be the end of her.

A month and counting….

india-gang-rape_ap

 

A month passed by, leaving us in the middle of oceans of questions.

These questions were for the society, the Government, men, parents…for our conscious.

Did we get the answers?

No, they are farfetched.

Do we believe that the whole system will change?

I don’t.

Will there be a change in the Law?

I am not sure about this.

India is a strange country. No matter how serious the issue in hand is, one diversion is enough to forget it completely.

Delhi Vasant Vihar gang-rape case happened. After few days, Sachin Tendulkar resigned and this issue took a back seat. Thanks to our ‘illiterate’ politicians for making ‘dented and painted’ comments that we were reminded of the disaster.

Thousands of us were facing the cruel showers and lathicharge at India Gate, they were the flag bearers; we just had to keep fuelling the lamp of protest in whichever way we could.

Profile pics were changed to black-dot in a spree, poems were written, information shared, status updated, songs composed, paintings made….anger was expressed in one way or the other.

Dates changed from 12 to 13, anger mellowed down too. And then Pakistan came knocking at the LoC, violating the pact and exhibiting there barbarism and cowardice again. The whole focus shifted to Pakistan.

We are running in a vicious circle.

There were international bodies asking our Government about Women security, now it’s the denial of Pakistan that echoes everywhere.

Acknowledging the fact that what happened on LoC is equally important and serious, I just want to ask why can’t we have a Government which is efficient in dealing with multiple issues at the same time? Multi-tasking is in fashion at all levels, but our Government seems out-dated.

As a citizen of India, I don’t know where we are heading towards, what is in store for us this years and coming decades, all I wish for is a Change!!!

The picture is too black right now; I hope it to turn towards grey. Everyone would not change overnight, but I hope that my generation does or rather majority of us do. The changed mindset can then generate some change in others from our generation and might be able to influence our previous generations too, to give our coming generations a better place to dream and dwell!

 

Doomsday – It’s not when body perishes, it’s when the soul dies!

A Rape is much more than what we think it is.

A Rape is much more than what we think it is.

A much awaited day by all!

Some are waiting to see if whatever was predicted would happen or not and others are waiting for the day to pass by normally so that they can laugh at others. Whatever the reason is, ‘the wait’ is common.

As the day came closer the nation witnessed the end of Humanity and Morality.

A girl being raped by 6 men in a moving bus!

A girl with a male friend goes for a movie; they wait for a bus at a very busy bus station, boards a wrong bus. That’s the only fault they make. Within 10 minutes 6 men on board start molesting her, when her male friend objects to this he is beaten up badly. The girl then is raped one by one by these men as the bus navigates though the busiest lanes of India’s Capital city Delhi. The bus cruises through check posts and barricades, stops at red signals too; but her screams suppress in the noise of Delhi traffic. Once they are done with their barbaric act they do something which would freeze every soul on earth. They insert an iron rod inside her most delicate part and throw her on the road along with her friend without any piece of clothing.

Wounded, shocked and shattered with what happened to them they kept waiting for help. Many turned away not sure what to do, few however came forward to help by covering them with their clothes and informing the police.

The girl is still in the hospital, have undergone many surgeries. As per doctors, she can never lead a normal life. I hope this is not another Aruna Shanbaug case that we have witnessed.

We have seen protests in every form at every place in support of the rape victim. Across nation, through media, TV, Radio, Newspapers, Internet.  We often considered ourselves safe in the company of our father, brother or any male friend. But now it’s all the more fearful as they might also be victims if they accompany us.

I pity to be a part of such a society where we have to protest to get the justice for any crime against humanity. Seven years of imprisonment for rape, is that what we call justice? If yes, I would like you to introduce yourself with Aruna Shanbaug again!!!

A lot of people support castration of such creatures. Do they guarantee that people with such sick mentality would not indulge in any kind of crime again?

We all know the trauma that a rape victim goes through, mentally and physically. And it’s exactly thousand times of what we think we know. If killing someone calls for Capital Punishment then it should be implemented for Rapists too. As when you kill someone you kill him/her/it once, but when a woman goes through the experience of rape; she is killed every minute with the haunted memories.

Every girl/women goes though eve-teasing, there always is at least one experience of feeling an external touch on the body with her will. We know how we hate it, even if it’s a few second long touch of someone on our body without our consent.

Capital punishment is too less for these people with sick mentality. Calling them animals would be insult to animals. I wish to chop off the hands and legs of rapist and leave them ‘alive’ in a desert. I know this is not possible, hence Capital punishment is the maximum and strictest that can be done. It would still instil some fear in these barbaric minds. Considering the fact that within few days of this barbaric act, there are numerous other cases that are coming into light; we need to have strict laws to have some control on these minds.

It should not be a “prove them guilty” scenario for the victim, rather should be “prove yourself innocent” for the accused. I wonder if amending the law is that difficult a task when the whole nation calls for it. Or is it true that rape is still not considered as serious a crime as corruption, scams or murder.

Someone asked me, why rape is not considered a serious crime. I said, may be because no mother or sister of any politician or policemen happen to go through the torture!

I would not want to bring politics into this, hence moving on with my point of view; I believe that we should raise our voices though whichever way we can. A lot of people consider Facebook activities as a waste, they do boast about their insensitive attitude by mocking at all those putting their views up. I however believe that every bit counts. I would continue to write and share what is there in my mind, it might affect someone else’s thought process. A huge population is feeling helpless and there is no harm in letting it out in whichever way you can. I pity those who are sitting on their computers and mocking others instead of extending their support. It is not just the police and politicians, it’s we society as a whole which need to work consistently towards bring our male child in such a way that they respect women than treating them as a commodity.

Today, I truly wish for this world to come to an end because the humanity and morality has lost its meaning. We have seen the Doomsday!

I demand NO MERCY for the rapists!

Being male is a matter of birth, being a man is a matter of age…but being a gentleman is a matter of choice. I hope parents now focus on bringing up good human beings than just bring up boys and girls.

PS. To all those who can think that they can lighten the atmosphere with their wit and jokes right now, please back off!!!

Four years of 26/11 and an end to being-a-host to ‘national guest’

The terrorist destination in Mumbai after the attack on 26/11/2008

One of the terrorist destinations in Mumbai after the attack on 26/11/2008

छब्बीस ग्यारह – चार साल पहले इस तारीख ने देश में खौफ की परिभाषा बदल दी। दिवाली के महीने में मुंबई ने अजब आतिशबाजी देखी – बन्दूक की गोलियों की। दस, केवल दस आतंकवादियों ने पूरे देश की नींद लगभग चार दिन तक हराम करी। एक शहेर और ग्यारह जगह गोलाबारी – आंकड़ो पर गौर करें तो 164 मरे और 308 घायल हुए। आतंकियों ने बड़ी ही सोच समझ कर मुंबई में ऐसी जगहें चुनी जो लोगों से भरी रहती हैं। CCTV फुटेज में साफ़ दिखाई देगा कि हर वो जगह जहाँ इंसान के छुपने की गुंजाईश थी, उसको जांचा गया और एक एक इंसान को ढूँढ के मारा गया।
शायद ही कोई ऐसा होगा इस देश में जिसने उन हादसों की झलकियाँ ना देखी हो। अखबारों ने हर उस शख्स की कहानी छापी जो छब्बीस ग्यारह से ताल्लुक रखता था। हमने लोगो की आपबीती पढ़ी और सुनी जो जिन्दा बचे और उनसे उनके बारे में भी सुना जो मारे गए। सिर्फ सुना, महसूस उन्होंने किया। शायद हम दर्द कुछ हद तक समझ पाए, शायद। पर क्या कभी हम सोच सकते हैं या महसूस कर सकते हैं कि उस परिवार पर क्या बीत रही होगी जिसका 22-23 साल का बेटा होटल मैनेजमेंट करके ख़ुशी ख़ुशी ताज होटल में नौकरी करने गया था। फायरिंग सुन कर उसने परिवारवालों को फ़ोन मिलाया और उनसे बात करते करते गोली खा के मर गया। फ़ोन पर दूसरी ओर से उसकी माँ या पिता उसकी सांस महसूस करने को तरस रहे होंगे शायद। क्या बीती होगी उस पति पर जिसकी बीवी बिज़नस के सिलसिले में मुंबई गयी हुई थी और ताज में रुकी हुई थी। गोलियों की आवाज़ से उसकी आँख खुली। अपने पति को फ़ोन मिलाया, बात पूरी नहीं हो पाई क्यूंकि कमरे के बहार आंतंकवादियो की आवाज़े सुन कर फ़ोन काटना पड़ा। ताज में बिजली काट दी गयी थी और कमरे में अँधेरा हो गया था। बहार जाना तोह मरने के बराबर था ही, उस युवती ने सोचा कि बेड के नीचे छुप कर पति से मेसेज पर बात करी जाये। वो पति को हर बात, हर पल के बारे में मेसेज पर बताती रही। ” 2-3 लोगो की आवाज़े आ रही हैं लौबी से”, “आवाजें करीब आ रही हैं”, “अब मुझे उनके कदमो की आवाज़ भी आ रही है, वो इसी ओर आ रहे हैं”, “कोई दरवाज़ा खोलने की कोशिश कर रहा है” और इसके बाद मेसेज आने बंद। वो पति इंतज़ार कर रहा होगा एक और मेसेज आने का जिसमे लिखा होता “मैं बच गयी, वो लोग मुझे नहीं ढूँढ पाए”, पर कोई मेसेज नहीं आया। उन पुलिस अफसरों के परिवार वालो के बारे में सोचा होगा कभी तो, जिनको पता था की उनका पति, बेटा या भाई मुंबई को बचाने में अपनी जान दाव पर लगाये हुए लड़ रहे हैं। उनकी चिंता परिवार को खाए जा रही होगी, बेबस लोग फ़ोन करके पूछ भी नहीं पा रहे होंगे कि वो ठीक तो हैं।
खुशनसीब थे वो लोग जिनको आखिरी लम्हों में उनकी आवाज़ सुन ने को मिली जिनसे वो बेहद प्यार करते थे, उनको मौका मिला बताने का कि वो जा रहे हैं और ये जताने का की वो अपनों से कितना प्यार करते हैं। मरने वालो में सैंकड़ो लोग ऐसे थे जिन्हें ये मौका नसीब नहीं हुआ। वो घर से निकले तो थे वापस आने का वादा करके, पर वादा पूरा नहीं कर पाए। वो बच्चे तो शायद इंतज़ार ही करते रहे होंगे जिनके माता पिता ऑफिस जाते थे और रोज़ CST से ट्रेन पकड़ते थे। वो भाई कितना बेबस होगा जो राखी का वादा ना रख पाया हो, जिसकी बहन रास्ते में ही गोलियों का शिकार हो गयी हो। वो माता पिता जिनके बच्चे घर लौट के नहीं आये, कहाँ ढूँढा होगा उन्होंने उनको। ये तो केवल कुछ ही किस्से हैं, पर ये काफी हैं ये सोचने के लिए कि क्या हम (जिन्होंने 26/11 सिर्फ टीवी पर देखा और अखबारों में पढ़ा) सच में महसूस कर पाए वो दर्द, वो बेबसी अपनों को खोने की? कई लोगो के अब जीना शायद रोज़ की एक लड़ाई बन गयी है। कई लोग अपनी जिंदगियो को फिर से शुरू कर पाए होंगे और कई अब भी जूझ रहे होंगे।
ऐसे में कसाब को फांसी देना सही था या गलत?
सच है कि कसाब को फांसी लगने से वो लोग जिंदा वापस नहीं होंगे जो मरे थे। पर क्या उस इंसान को जिंदा रहने का हक है जिसने ऐसी दहशत फैलाई? फांसी के अलावा क्या कोई ऐसी सज़ा थी जो बाकी आतंकियों के लिए एक सबक बन सके? माना कि ये आंतंकवादी ये सोच के ही आते हैं कि वो मारे जायेंगे, पर ऐसे में उन्हें जेल में महफूज़ रखना क्या औरों को बढावा नहीं देता? हर आतंकवादी यही सोचता कि यहाँ मेरा परिवार सुखी रहेगा और वहाँ मैं जेल में जिंदा रहूँगा। क्या हम लोगो का इस बात पर टिपण्णी करना सही है कि लोग क्यों खुश हैं कसाब की मौत से? क्या हम पर वो बीती जो उन पर बीती? क्या हम उनका परिवार चलाने में कोई मदद कर रहे हैं? या उनके ज़ख्मो पर मलहम लगाने की कोशिश की हमने? हमने सिर्फ टीवी के सामने बैठ कर ये अनुमान लगाया कि मुंबई में सैंकड़ो लोग किस दहशत से गुज़र रहे होंगे, हमने सिर्फ अनुमान लगाया – सिर्फ अनुमान। ऐसे में हम होते कौन हैं ये कसाब की मौत पर कोई भी टिपण्णी करने वाले?
केवल वही लोग इस स्तिथि में कसाब की फांसी को गलत बता सकते हैं जिनका 26/11 से कोई लेना देना नहीं, ज़ाती तौर पर और मानसिक तौर पर; या फिर वो दुनिया की मोह-माया से परे हैं और साधुओ में गिने जाते हैं।
सबसे बड़ा डर तो तब होता इस देश पर जब कसाब कोई बड़ा नाम होता आतंकियों में। आंतंकी गुटों द्वारा उसको बचाने की कोशिशो में भी आम जनता ही पिसती।
भारत की एक टैक्स देने वाली नागरिक होने के नाते मैं ये ज़रूर कहना चाहुंगी कि मुझे ख़ुशी है कि मेरा पैसा अब कसाब को पालने में खर्च नहीं होगा। हालांकि मुझे पता है कि वो अब भी फ़िज़ूल खर्च ही किआ जायेगा, किसी ना किसी नेता की जेब भरण में ही जायेगा ये पैसा।
एक दुसरे देश से आये कसाब से तो हमें छुट्टी मिली, पर इस देश में पैदा हुए और पल रहे कसाबो का क्या जो कसाई बन इस देश को काटे जा रहे हैं???

Being male is a matter of birth, being a man is a matter of age..but being a gentleman is a matter of choice!!

I

She struggled to live right from the moment she was born. They were all men who were after her life. Even her mother could not say a word when she was taken away to either bury alive or burnt alive. A girl child has always been a burden in an under-developed society. There is no count of how many girl children are killed before and after their birth. Though female foeticide is illegal in India and so is killing female child, but can we vouch for the fact that this law is being followed religiously????

No…we can’t. There still are some illiterate, uncivilized, brutal people who think that a girl is a burden. Amongst many illiterate men, unfortunately there are some women too.

Thanks to our ancestors for such bad gender ratio in India.

We have 933 girls in India per 1000 boys.

We have cases where old parents are sent to old-age homes, but we still want a son. Every year we are creating new records of rape and molestation cases in every part of India. These are being executed by the male specie…yet boys are great!! I am not including cases of robbery, fraud, theft etc , though they are male dominant, however now female intervention is towards the higher side as compared to the previous few years.

II

It was a chilly day in December when a female dog gave birth to 6 puppies. They were cute. Soon small kids from each corner of the locality started gathering to play with them. Some would bring food to feed them.

There were people who tried their best not to let winters affect those tiny pups and they succeeded. They had left an old blanket for them, which was the shelter for the female dog and her puppies. People who resided in the locality would feed them with warm milk, bread or chapatti every day. But one day while these puppies were playing in the play ground adjacent to the bushes where they resided, few teens came at high speeds on their bikes; apparently exhibiting some stunts. In the race to come first and become popular they dint realise when their bikes minced 2 pups. Since this accident, the female dog frantically kept her remaining 4 away from everyone else, even those who fed them initially. Few people tried to give some food to the pups as they grew weaker, but ended up in a clinic after the dog’s bite. Gradually situation worsened and those 4 pups kept dying one by one, cos of hunger and extreme cold.

III

Be it the golden era or the millennium era, a man has been known for his Casanova instinct. Playing with hearts and breaking them was a common phenomenon. And now when women have decided to walk alongside them in every sphere, they have problems. I would call it nothing but male ego, which make one shut his eyes and mouth for what a man has done. He makes a mountain out of a molehill if a woman outshines him….especially when he has been the victim.

Ok now coming to the point… I have encountered so many immature men of lately that I thought of bringing together my scattered thoughts to one place.

Read this Facebook status few days back from one of the persons whom I considered mature than the existing lot of his age group.

“All girls are basically in competition with each other for a handful eligible boys or men. I must say they are in league with each other, a secret conspiracy of hearts & pheromones. They have 2 faces that decide their mind. Head – They go for money. Tail – They go for money. Haha :-). So, supply of good girls far exceeds that of the boys who deserves them. Indeed true. Believe me”

I DISAGREE and DISLIKE….

First of all… all fingers of our hands are not the same and neither are all individuals.

Why do people come up with a statement directed to the whole lot? I know these statements arise mainly because of heartbreaks. Either one liked someone and was not paid much attention to or was simply fooled/hurt. But is that a reason to accuse the whole segment? Just because you still haven’t developed the sense of recognising these bad people and then don’t know how to deal with them, you would go on making statements for the whole lot. If men are such losers then they better accept it and work upon it rather than accusing women for the same. Section 2 simply depicts that we can’t cut ourselves from a particular segment if one person out of the lot has done something wrong. Human beings have brains so that they can think and judge, otherwise there wouldn’t be any difference between us and that female dog.

Second… Girls don’t have to indulge into competition; there are enough boys they can choose from.

Thanks to all the men mentioned in Section 1.

Third …usage of the word “supply” makes one feel as if a pimp is talking…

I wonder if men with such a thought process would remain bachelors for the rest of their lives or would they continue to pass such comments once they are married.

Are all men Dogs????

Inspite of all the reasons to say Yes, I would still say No. Just because of bad men…A few good men should not be ignored.

Fourth …There is nothing wrong in making such statements, but one should not generalise it cos even you wouldn’t want to pay for someone else’s sins. And if you are not mature enough to choose the right words…STAY OUT OF IT !!!!!

17th Day…

…of not posting on my Blog.

Note: I am not expecting this post to be a happy one.

The note up there is to let me know at the end if I was able to succeed or not.

So, here I go…

I feel absolutely incomplete without this ability to write. I did get some time during these days when I wanted to write something for this space, but all I could do was… write 2-3 lines and then delete them. They were not able to please me as a writer (I am not pleased with these ones either). I wanted to write about things that were happening in life, but there is hardly anything which is worth sharing with you guys apart from the mess all around. I needed a break…big time…as in BIGGG TIMEE, but all plans got cancelled. I needed someone to listen quietly to my cribbing, but infact got more distant to some I thought would listen. I needed someone to understand what I am going through, how I feel about everything that’s changing and that’s stagnant around me, but all I got were more questions and logics. I always avoided ‘logical reasoning’ when it came to my friends and then I realized that even the same expectations reduce your joys and can set the temper soaring. I avoided referring friends as Best Friends cos none of my Best Friends so far showed up when I needed them. But then I thought that there is one and I should not blame her for my past experiences. I think I should have learnt something from past experiences but I seem to be doing the same mistake again and again. Emotions do make you handicapped and I don’t have an option but to live with it.

I remain silent when I want to talk and talk just to avoid questions about my silence.

There is something wrong, something is missing, there is something that I am not able to understand about my self, something that I am not able to express, there is something that’s creating a void or rather making it grow….there definitely IS something…

 PS. I would want to acknowledge the efforts of 2 of my friends who have been making constant efforts to keep me sane in the midst of everything…Thanks Shivani and Thanks Purba 🙂

Am I Random??

I was talking to a friend after a long LONG time…about 4 years to be precise. She is one of those in office with whom I have spent a good amount of time, discussing life over coffee/tea. Our processes changed, we worked in different shifts but today when I found her in office in odd hours (for people in night shifts 9 am would be ‘odd hours’) I couldn’t stop but ping her for a nice chatting session. And since then I am worried about myself. There is this girl whom I was talking to after a good amount of years and just look at the weird turn I have given to the conversation without her being a part of it.

Me                           when I think about office life.. wo purane din pe jake ruk jate hu….those were the best days of my professional life…

Me                           I used to be totally different at that time…

Me                           I somehow liked that Garima

Her                          they were really good days

Her                          hum sab log change ho gaye hai

Her                          good or bad

Me                           haan….

Her                          that don’t know

Me                           certain things for good n certain for bad,,,

Me                           and in my case I can easily pick those good n bad things based on my understanding of life n relationships…but I can hardly do anything about them

Me                           I have become quite rigid about myself n that is something bad. I can’t even do anything about it…

Her                          rigid?

Her                          in what sense

Me                           pata nhi…in some weird way I find myself harsh on myself…

Me                           I might forget n forgive others for whatever wrong they have done but when it comes to me I can’t

Me                           I tend to punish myself in my own way…

Me                           I have stopped talking to all my old friends…

Me                           which were my source of comfort at one point of time…

Me                           you being one of them…

Me                           some instances were situational n some were intentional…

Me                           but when I recall those days I still feel that comfort level with you which was there…

Me                           and then over years hesitation sneaked in….so if ever I wanted to talk to you I couldn’t cos of hesitation

Her                          but for what you are punishing yourself for??

Her                          hesitation??

Me                           and this is not only with you…it’s with many of my friends

Her                          why??

Me                           pata nhi yaar…..yahi toh life ki problm hai..

Me                           no idea…

 

I do am at a weird phase of life, I don’t have any control over my mood swings which is usual at the bad side of the barometer. I get angry at things which are not to be bothered about as per others; I pay heed to smallest of things said by people around me. I have huge expectations from my close set of friends which I feel are not bothered about. I am not around with my close set of friends; I am in the midst of new set of people with whom I have to be careful about what I talk. I am tired of pretending to be perfectly happy and smiling all the time. I search for that vent in my close friends but they seem to be busy too. I sometimes feel jealous of them too as they are all together and I sit at a different place. I miss sitting with them. I sense the growing distance, though they sit just across the floor. This distance is not in terms of kilometers and meters but in terms of thoughts and feelings. I am scared of losing the closeness with these friends and am equally afraid of creating the same with the new ones.  

Of course, I’ll get to hear a lot from them if they happen to read this (which is once in months, so by the time they read my blog there would be other posts to ponder upon)…but somehow even with a lot of efforts this feeling seem to stick to me like a chewing-gum..

Image courtesy: Me