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Dad – My Heart Your New Home…Welcome Home!

अपने पापा की बेटी हूँ मैं
उनकी गोद में पली हूँ मैं
घर के छोटों में
सबसे बड़ी हूँ मैं

उनकी परछाँई हूँ
उनका नाज़
उनकी सचाई हूँ
बड़े लाडों से पली हूँ मैं
अपने पापा की बेटी हूँ मैं

उनका दिल था बसेरा मेरा
उनकी हँसी में भी बसती थी मैं
ले गए साथ अपने
वो बचपन का डेरा
अब अचानक ही
बड़ी हो गई हूँ मैं

अब वो बसेंगे मेरी यादों में
खुद से किए कई वादों में
उनको याद कर
आँसू नहीं बहाउँगी मैं
उनकी सीख को
आगे बड़ाउँगी मैं

Yes, my fingers do tremble and my heart does go heavy when I type ‘was’ in the same sentence as ‘Dad’.

Many of you know and many are unaware of the fact that my Dad was in the hospital since 26th June, 2015. He underwent a brain surgery which left him in a state of coma. He recovered to a stage where he paid attention to what we would say, would look at us when called and would move his hand to hold ours. He had put up a great fight, before taking a leap towards his final journey to merge into the divine.

Early hours of 22nd January 2016, proved to be unfortunate for us. This phase and feeling is the worst part of gaining experience in age, we lose those we treasure. He protected me like a pearl in the shell while he was alive, and ensured the protection while he prepared himself for the final journey. He has left me with a mission to complete all that he wanted to accomplish.

With lots of gratitude and love, I now shall keep him alive in my heart!

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Six month old me with Dad. Copyrights reserved. This pic shall not be used for any purpose.

2015 to 2016

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Dear 2015,

You gifted me the most difficult battle of my life so far. I wish it could end as a victory with you, but alas! Seems that I do have some lessons to learn.  I never knew that I could be a SuperWoman, you made me one. When I get up ‘early’ in the morning, the next instance that I will get to lie down is a question. I have a lot of reasons to mark you as one of the most important ones. You made me realize a lot of things, following are the few:

  • First and foremost, the importance of having a Family – life is too long to spend alone and too short to not celebrate with someone else.
  • How it feels to love (and here I am NOT referring to the ‘romantic’ love) – love makes you a better person.
  • I got to know a few who will ‘jump the fence’ for me – the most helpless moments were supported by some friends and some relatives. Some extended their helping hand unexpectedly.
  • I know the meaning of the phrase ‘challenge your limits’ – I admit that I am physically, mentally and emotionally exhausted, BUT I refuse to give up. When I stand up in front of adversities, I give strength to those who are looking up to me.
  • You happened in my life because I created you in my previous years, I am now ‘knowingly’ creating my 2016, 2017, 2018 and so forth. Coming years are going to be beautifully happy and healthy.
  • Out of sight, out of mind does not necessarily happen if the hearts are connected – I am lucky to have some friends who keep checking with me, irrespective of the fact that most of the times I fail to reply.
  • The most beautiful and overwhelming feeling is when your struggle reflects in someone else’s eyes as moisture. There is no other pure form to feel connected.
  • There is a lot of goodness in this world we just got to focus on seeing goodness around.
  • Life never goes as planned, a fraction of second can change your life forever – acknowledge your feelings, share them with those who need to know them, move on if your feelings are not respected but don’t stop yourself from feeling the emotions. Be humane, be vulnerable.
  • My father once said to me, “Though you are my daughter, but you have also played the role of a Son and now you are filling the space of a Mother”. Daughters are beyond just girls.

Thank you, as I still have hope to make things better in 2016. The motto I carry forward to next year is a line from my favorite ad “himmat sirf tab nahi dikhayi jati jab dikhana asaan ho”.

Goodbye!

Solitude

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…She drove down to the loneliest road she could think of. Sitting at a corner of a bridge she wished that there was a faint overpass in her life too, which allowed people to reach up to her. May be she had some and she herself burnt those with her own hands. In the absence of human presence she allowed herself to break her own promise and lit a cigarette. She looked at the smoke coming out of her mouth after the first puff, there she made another wish. She wished to be the smoke, which existed yet was invisible. She wished to merge in the sound of dry leaves with the blow of wind, she wished to lose herself in the sound of screaming peacocks; her heart was screaming too, for someone who would understand her silence and embrace her the way nature embraces the earth. She looked right through the jungle…through the trees to find the answers but there was none. When there is no one to listen, it is better to speak to the nature…but don’t expect the answers. A drop of tear rolled down her cheek without her permission. In an effort to control that another one became a rebel and then the other and the other. She sat down helpless and scared… Scared of losing control on herself. She was scared that she might repeat what she had seen all her life and what she despised all her life. May be it was this fear that kept her alone, maybe it is this fear which will make her live alone. She always was at the receiving end…of all the hate, the anger, the frustration, the confusion, the regret, the helplessness … And knew that she won’t ever be at the other end…the giving end. The moment she would realise that she has travelled at that far end where she never wanted to be, that probably would be the end of her.

Inked for Life – Dream accomplished!

So, here it is…

My second in last 5 month and it’s a dream come true!

I have carried this wish in my heart for the last five and a half years, since the day Dino left us. I wanted his name to be tattooed on me. A lot of denials initially and good that there were many. Now when I look back I do realise that it would have been a tattoo of despair, but it is more of a celebration now.

My first tattoo is that of the Buddha. Mainly because the life philosophy of Buddhism has helped me overcome the void that was created by Dino’s absence. Only those who have pets would be able to understand what void I am talking about. I was very finicky about the Buddha face. I had eaten their heads with the description of the face I wanted. I wanted it to be a masculine face as most of the Buddha faces I came across were feminine. I did not want a chubby face on chubby me. And it should be a meditating face (eyes closed) yet smiling and peaceful. Each time someone would look at the tattoo, the same feeling of peace and serenity should flow. We picked up one pic, which was that of a statue. Defying all the myths of first timer, I went alone to get the tattoo. Was brave enough to not scream. I could tolerate the pain by making weird faces though. This tattoo is a masterpiece and whosoever had seen the tattoo was in an awe.

This tattoo has another amusing purpose. This is for all those who like to talk behind my back…well, I now have a Buddha watching over you 😛

© Garima - I for an Eye

© Garima – I for an Eye

When I got this tattoo from a brilliant guy in Chandigarh, I told them that I would comeback for the second one in June. Chandigarh, however; couldn’t happen. I came across another brilliant reference of someone in Delhi itself. For me if an artist can make a portrait tattoo closer to the picture then he can make any tattoo. Both these guys are impeccable in portraits and hence I trusted them for my tattoos. Till 1:00 PM of 06th of June 2015, I thought that I will have to wait till next year for this one. But within a few minutes things fell in place and I was getting ready for my second tattoo.

When I was deciding for my second tattoo, I chose a very simple design of infinity accommodating a heart and paws at each side. A friend who was shown that design just mentioned angel feathers and I ended up filtering the one that I have now. Thank you, I love the tattoo!

I had added this tattoo in my vision board, with the date distinctively attached to it (in my mind/heart). And maybe that is why there was a sudden change in the situation.

Here is my tattoo..

© Garima - I for an Eye

© Garima – I for an Eye

It is on the left hand, because that hand consists of the vein which goes to the heart. It is at the forearm, though I had decided for the bicep. I changed my mind last minute because with this placement, I can hug my tattoo 😀 (it might sound crazy, but what makes you believe in my sanity 😛 ). The tattoo has a dog’s paw at the centre. The tattoo simply says that Dino was an angel of my life who will always remain in my heart. Next is Dino’s name and the date on which he parted.

Needless to say that this one is another masterpiece and is very emotionally attached to me.

So now, a masterpiece by the Master Himself is adorned with two masterpieces for life 😉

More to come; now I know what they mean when they say that getting inked is an addiction. I have already started googling for the next one.

While I was struggling during the day with my own thoughts, something disheartening happened. A friend lost his pet in morning, the one that I enquired about a few days back. I could relate to the pain so much, and I wondered at the unfortunate coincidence…that the day mine was born, his took a step ahead. All I wish to convey to him and all those who have lost someone close is that the more we cry thinking of them, the more trouble we cause to their soul (irrespective of the form it is in) and the more we celebrate them, the more they flourish. This is one thought which made me move on, we would not want our dear ones to be in trouble because of us wherever they are. So for their sake, we need to be happy and we need to smile for them. There is nothing else that will make them happy!

I wish Stanley a very peaceful final journey. May he continue to spread love and happiness wherever he goes next. He would have loved to be your encouraging factor rather than being the one slowing you down in your journey of life. You had a lovely, most loved time of your life with him. And you gave him the best you could according to your knowledge and resources, he will always be thankful to you for that. Wish you the strength to overcome the loss!

Dogs truly are the gift to mankind, wish they could accompany us longer.

PS. My tattoo is my advance birthday gift from my bhai and bhabhi. The best birthday gift I have ever got….Love you both, thank you so very much!!!

Timeless

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Sometimes the concept of time fails. Like today.

Life in school wasn’t the same from beginning till the end, it was an entire life in its own with ups and downs. Fancy college life interrupts a lot of school tales if they do not go hand in hand, by the time one starts working there are new associations and new connections one look forward too. Then life just goes on with promotions, job change, marriage, in-laws, kids etc. In short we keep getting busier with the marathon of life, making new friends and forgetting the old ones…sometimes by chance and sometimes by choice. There is one good thing that happens too along with time and apart from growing old – we grow up! We learn about sweet little pleasures of life which no amount of money could buy, we learn that those we hated when were kids in fact were precious that those who pretend to like us, with time we realize that life is way beyond little egos which become big with time.
Another day spent reaffirming the fact that laughing at your past stupidities with an old friend is one of the best things that can happen to you in life.

Met a school friend of mine after 15 years. And a meeting of few hours made me revisit my childhood to say “Hi” to that little tomboy girl called Garima…Who was so short tempered that the speed of light was more than the rate at which she would get angry. I just waved at her with a smile; assuring her that one day she would become a woman, looking at whom people would wonder if she ever got angry. What did she say?? Well, the angry tomboy looked at me in disbelief and ignored 😛

If you haven’t tried this therapy yet, boy you are missing something!!!!!

The Small Lil Things of Life!!!

#KahaniKhatmHaiYaShuruaatHoneKoHai
#HappyCoincidences

Way back in 2009, when it was a sudden vacuum in my life that I was dealing with. That was the time when I was ‘floating’ in life. I knew that the life curve was heading downward, but I let it happen. No questions, no struggle. I surrendered in aggression to Something out there which was up for some revenge with me. I had left the idea of God far behind in December of 2008.
Something strange happened that day; I was in the cab going for my afternoon shift to Gurgaon through NH8. I was listening to the song Tu Aashiqui Hai from the movie #JhankarBeats. There was this line in the song “Tera chehra roshini hai”, at exactly… Wait a minute and mark it again…at EXACTLY that moment I looked out of my window to the left and saw the Shiv Murti at NH8. And what still give me goosebumps is the fact that it was getting painted in bronze again AND it was just the face…JUST THE FACE, which was done till that point. I felt like it was some sort of message that was given to me in that nano second of my life….a message to just hang on and “believe” in His existence.

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Things changed, life changed and I changed too after that.
A different situation right now, a different vacuum to deal with. But there is this better, strong, wise, witty and beautiful Me who is not going to let the graph go down this time. The stubborn Me is fighting and getting over with obstacles, one at a time. The difficult of battles are not seen and are fought within with oneself. So today, as I take pleasure of a lil victory of getting up on time and taking myself out of the bed to the park for a walk. A lil strange thing happened again after almost six years!
Around 9am, I was running (not literally) in the 40th minute of my walking session. The Sun was pretty harsh by then (did I hear someone say “Welcome -bloody- Summers”!?!?). I was a lil out of breath and was taking it easy. Songs on my phone changed too. I was listening to Tere Bin by Rabbi Shergil and there is this line “Tere bin hor na kisse karni dhoop vich chaa”…which roughly translates to ‘no one else is interested in providing a shade to me in harsh sunlight’. So exactly when I heard this line while walking on the jogging track in the middle of the scorching heat, some clouds gulp the Sun over for a minute. It seemed to be a reassurance that no one else but God is  there to provide Me the shelter. And as they say that the God is in all of us, then that means I am my own rescuer. I shall not wait anyone else to rescue me.

Some of you might laugh at my ability of decoding these two things as a message from that Someone out there, who is keeping an eye on me. But you have no idea about the adrenaline rush it gives me

As I sat down at a bench after the walk to type this down in my phone, the line that played was “Kahani khatm hai ya shuruaat hone ko hai” from the song Aazaadiyaan (Udaan, 2010) was playing.

15th April, 2015

A day of festivals. Bihu, Vishu, Bengali New Year to name a few and I also got to know that World Creativity and Innovation Week start today.

Happy Festivity! Stay Blessed! Stay Positive!

#HappyFourMonthsToBabyVeer

#HappyOneMonth

#2WeeksOfHealthyPractices

#MarchToApril

Two minus One

The pic was googled.

The pic was googled.

I have spent quite a few years at my current accommodation. A few steps down the lane, there is a small set up of one of the oldest couple (for their age) I came across. The wife would collect the clothes to be ironed from the neighborhood and the husband would iron the clothes. Sometimes vice-verse. The lady once told me the name of the place in Delhi where they lived with their family. It was quite far from the area that I live in, 2 hours approximately by bus. I often wondered why they traveled such a long distance just to iron clothes of 8-10 households. I could never find the reason.

Anyway, the reason of this post is not this. I just wanted to share about this couple who must be in their 80s, commuting for 4 hours everyday on an average, the money they must have earned wasn’t too great but enough for the two of them, who were still together and who still cared for each other. I sometimes speculated if theirs was a love marriage or an arranged one. The lady seemed the pampered one, a brat and often was too straight forward in conversation that it would surprise one. She talked a lot, while the man was quite shy and spoke less. They were seen sharing a beedi many a times. The sight was rather amusing; they looked less like husband and wife, and more like partners in crime.

They stopped working a few months back and their son took over. Got to know that the husband wasn’t keeping well and hence, they were advised to stay at home during harsh winters. Their son came to work after a week or so. My maid often handed over the bundle of our to-be-ironed clothes to him and hence knew him. This afternoon she told me that while generally inquiring about his absence he shared that his mother passed away. The news made me recall this couple and this lady who was quite bold for her era. May her soul find peace and her husband, the strength to survive in her absence. Amen!