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2015 to 2016

2016-new-year-ss-1920

 

Dear 2015,

You gifted me the most difficult battle of my life so far. I wish it could end as a victory with you, but alas! Seems that I do have some lessons to learn.  I never knew that I could be a SuperWoman, you made me one. When I get up ‘early’ in the morning, the next instance that I will get to lie down is a question. I have a lot of reasons to mark you as one of the most important ones. You made me realize a lot of things, following are the few:

  • First and foremost, the importance of having a Family – life is too long to spend alone and too short to not celebrate with someone else.
  • How it feels to love (and here I am NOT referring to the ‘romantic’ love) – love makes you a better person.
  • I got to know a few who will ‘jump the fence’ for me – the most helpless moments were supported by some friends and some relatives. Some extended their helping hand unexpectedly.
  • I know the meaning of the phrase ‘challenge your limits’ – I admit that I am physically, mentally and emotionally exhausted, BUT I refuse to give up. When I stand up in front of adversities, I give strength to those who are looking up to me.
  • You happened in my life because I created you in my previous years, I am now ‘knowingly’ creating my 2016, 2017, 2018 and so forth. Coming years are going to be beautifully happy and healthy.
  • Out of sight, out of mind does not necessarily happen if the hearts are connected – I am lucky to have some friends who keep checking with me, irrespective of the fact that most of the times I fail to reply.
  • The most beautiful and overwhelming feeling is when your struggle reflects in someone else’s eyes as moisture. There is no other pure form to feel connected.
  • There is a lot of goodness in this world we just got to focus on seeing goodness around.
  • Life never goes as planned, a fraction of second can change your life forever – acknowledge your feelings, share them with those who need to know them, move on if your feelings are not respected but don’t stop yourself from feeling the emotions. Be humane, be vulnerable.
  • My father once said to me, “Though you are my daughter, but you have also played the role of a Son and now you are filling the space of a Mother”. Daughters are beyond just girls.

Thank you, as I still have hope to make things better in 2016. The motto I carry forward to next year is a line from my favorite ad “himmat sirf tab nahi dikhayi jati jab dikhana asaan ho”.

Goodbye!

Inked for Life – Dream accomplished!

So, here it is…

My second in last 5 month and it’s a dream come true!

I have carried this wish in my heart for the last five and a half years, since the day Dino left us. I wanted his name to be tattooed on me. A lot of denials initially and good that there were many. Now when I look back I do realise that it would have been a tattoo of despair, but it is more of a celebration now.

My first tattoo is that of the Buddha. Mainly because the life philosophy of Buddhism has helped me overcome the void that was created by Dino’s absence. Only those who have pets would be able to understand what void I am talking about. I was very finicky about the Buddha face. I had eaten their heads with the description of the face I wanted. I wanted it to be a masculine face as most of the Buddha faces I came across were feminine. I did not want a chubby face on chubby me. And it should be a meditating face (eyes closed) yet smiling and peaceful. Each time someone would look at the tattoo, the same feeling of peace and serenity should flow. We picked up one pic, which was that of a statue. Defying all the myths of first timer, I went alone to get the tattoo. Was brave enough to not scream. I could tolerate the pain by making weird faces though. This tattoo is a masterpiece and whosoever had seen the tattoo was in an awe.

This tattoo has another amusing purpose. This is for all those who like to talk behind my back…well, I now have a Buddha watching over you 😛

© Garima - I for an Eye

© Garima – I for an Eye

When I got this tattoo from a brilliant guy in Chandigarh, I told them that I would comeback for the second one in June. Chandigarh, however; couldn’t happen. I came across another brilliant reference of someone in Delhi itself. For me if an artist can make a portrait tattoo closer to the picture then he can make any tattoo. Both these guys are impeccable in portraits and hence I trusted them for my tattoos. Till 1:00 PM of 06th of June 2015, I thought that I will have to wait till next year for this one. But within a few minutes things fell in place and I was getting ready for my second tattoo.

When I was deciding for my second tattoo, I chose a very simple design of infinity accommodating a heart and paws at each side. A friend who was shown that design just mentioned angel feathers and I ended up filtering the one that I have now. Thank you, I love the tattoo!

I had added this tattoo in my vision board, with the date distinctively attached to it (in my mind/heart). And maybe that is why there was a sudden change in the situation.

Here is my tattoo..

© Garima - I for an Eye

© Garima – I for an Eye

It is on the left hand, because that hand consists of the vein which goes to the heart. It is at the forearm, though I had decided for the bicep. I changed my mind last minute because with this placement, I can hug my tattoo 😀 (it might sound crazy, but what makes you believe in my sanity 😛 ). The tattoo has a dog’s paw at the centre. The tattoo simply says that Dino was an angel of my life who will always remain in my heart. Next is Dino’s name and the date on which he parted.

Needless to say that this one is another masterpiece and is very emotionally attached to me.

So now, a masterpiece by the Master Himself is adorned with two masterpieces for life 😉

More to come; now I know what they mean when they say that getting inked is an addiction. I have already started googling for the next one.

While I was struggling during the day with my own thoughts, something disheartening happened. A friend lost his pet in morning, the one that I enquired about a few days back. I could relate to the pain so much, and I wondered at the unfortunate coincidence…that the day mine was born, his took a step ahead. All I wish to convey to him and all those who have lost someone close is that the more we cry thinking of them, the more trouble we cause to their soul (irrespective of the form it is in) and the more we celebrate them, the more they flourish. This is one thought which made me move on, we would not want our dear ones to be in trouble because of us wherever they are. So for their sake, we need to be happy and we need to smile for them. There is nothing else that will make them happy!

I wish Stanley a very peaceful final journey. May he continue to spread love and happiness wherever he goes next. He would have loved to be your encouraging factor rather than being the one slowing you down in your journey of life. You had a lovely, most loved time of your life with him. And you gave him the best you could according to your knowledge and resources, he will always be thankful to you for that. Wish you the strength to overcome the loss!

Dogs truly are the gift to mankind, wish they could accompany us longer.

PS. My tattoo is my advance birthday gift from my bhai and bhabhi. The best birthday gift I have ever got….Love you both, thank you so very much!!!

Two minus One

The pic was googled.

The pic was googled.

I have spent quite a few years at my current accommodation. A few steps down the lane, there is a small set up of one of the oldest couple (for their age) I came across. The wife would collect the clothes to be ironed from the neighborhood and the husband would iron the clothes. Sometimes vice-verse. The lady once told me the name of the place in Delhi where they lived with their family. It was quite far from the area that I live in, 2 hours approximately by bus. I often wondered why they traveled such a long distance just to iron clothes of 8-10 households. I could never find the reason.

Anyway, the reason of this post is not this. I just wanted to share about this couple who must be in their 80s, commuting for 4 hours everyday on an average, the money they must have earned wasn’t too great but enough for the two of them, who were still together and who still cared for each other. I sometimes speculated if theirs was a love marriage or an arranged one. The lady seemed the pampered one, a brat and often was too straight forward in conversation that it would surprise one. She talked a lot, while the man was quite shy and spoke less. They were seen sharing a beedi many a times. The sight was rather amusing; they looked less like husband and wife, and more like partners in crime.

They stopped working a few months back and their son took over. Got to know that the husband wasn’t keeping well and hence, they were advised to stay at home during harsh winters. Their son came to work after a week or so. My maid often handed over the bundle of our to-be-ironed clothes to him and hence knew him. This afternoon she told me that while generally inquiring about his absence he shared that his mother passed away. The news made me recall this couple and this lady who was quite bold for her era. May her soul find peace and her husband, the strength to survive in her absence. Amen!

 

The End of an Era

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The last man standing in my grands’ generation called it off yesterday. My mom lost his father to a heart attack. Though we were not very frequent to our Naanke, there still are memories to cherish. I met him last year at my cousin’s marriage and that was after years. He looked weak, but still was no less than destiny’s favourite brat.

It was Lohri yesterday and we had some friends who came over for dinner. While helping my sister-in-law in the kitchen with chapattis, I heard mom calling out my name. And as in usual days we all do, I asked her to wait for a minute. She called again in rage, I was a little embarrassed of this behaviour as my friends were listening too. Blabbering in a rude tone, I came in the room where she was sitting. I saw her eyes filled with tears as she managed to inform me about her father’s death. I felt as if I have been hit by a rock. Suddenly I was too ashamed and shocked to say anything. All I could do was to hold her hand.

They had to leave early morning to see him off this mortal world. Mom, dad and brother left at 7 am along with masiji, mausaji and cousins following in their vehicle. They escaped the lethal fog at Yamuna express highway, when the car in front of ours banged into another one. It was a narrow escape. Later I heard the news on TV that there were 25 cars rammed into one another injuring over 12 people. It was the carelessness of one family because of which 25 others paid.

While Nanaji would continue to live in memories and albums, his Legacy is surely going to live long.

We never give it a thought but come what may, nothing in this world can replace parents AND nothing in this world can replace children. While elderly give us a feeling of being secured, children would continue to remain the purpose of living for parents. We may or may not be able to connect with our parents, due to distance in kilometres or in generations; but there mere presence in this world is enough to make us feel that we are not alone.

While I pray for my Nanaji to have peace, I wish that we realise on time that family would always be more important than egos, generation gaps, arguments and may we overcome them to cherish the sweetness of this wonderful bond called Family.

It’s like a dream come true!

An experience worth sharing. Though it would fail the purpose of being anonymous but this is something that I would definitely want my readers to know. We should keep making efforts to keep our lives interesting. The post was written on Friday, 23rd Nov early hours.

I always found the job of a Radio Jockey pretty exciting. I wished to be one considering my love to be in conversation always. New people new experiences and all you need to do is – Talk!

I remember going for a walk-in audition in 2005 for Radio Mirchi. I wasn’t too impressive, but my friend who accompanied me did try to boost my morale. “You at least were better than me”, just like Farhan and Raju encouraged each other in 3-idiots. My second stint with being an RJ was lil dramatic. A friend of mine found an apple for his eyes on Orkut. Some girl he had added and was chatting with. He wanted to be the first one to wish her on her birthday and there was no contact number. She teased him by saying, “let’s see if you are smart enough to find this yourself”. The only clue was her online Orkut boyfriend. Luckily he had made his number public. Bad for him though, poor guy didn’t know what was coming up. I played a Radio Jockey, telling him that he was the lucky one whose number was selected. He was made to believe that he just got an opportunity to send across a message to anyone in India. As expected, he shared the number of that girl with a birthday message and a song dedication too. Wishes were delivered well in time; it was just the delivery boy which changed. I hoped that my friend was considerate enough to play the dedicated song at the background while they were talking. They talked through the night, God know about what! While the online boyfriend must have cursed me, the friend of mine must have showered a lot of blessings. He sure did.

A few years back, I heard Anil Srivatsa on a new radio station for the first time. He hosted a show – Between The Sheets, he still does; not on a station anymore but at radiowalla.in. While every girl complemented him for his voice, I found his wit more appealing. The guy possesses this natural ability to leave you without words, sometimes in embarrassment. While you would love the smile he leaves on your face, at the same time you would not want him to stop talking to you. Unfortunately, the guy is taken already. And is very much a one woman man, but as every man does; even he won’t mind getting dirty on air with you. Married men, unfortunately; are out of my ‘desired-list’ of men. I have been a regular caller on his show since those radio station days. A friend told me about radiowalla.in and I was listening to him after ages today.

As the name suggests, Between The Sheets is aimed at sharing your feelings on different topics related to relationships and sex. We as a society are still opening up towards the discussion about Sex. Hence, being a talk show we can make use of it as much as we can. It provides a platform to share opinions, seek advices and learn about the opposite sex to make your relationship better.

I was tuned in today and was disappointed to see that Mr. Host was struggling with a specific caller who was calling in again and again. This girl was not ready to be audible was continuously whispering. It was irritating for the listeners. Being one of the irritated lot, I decided to be the next caller giving Anil a break from that Whispering Aunty. I intended the show to proceed with the discussions, like all other listeners. Unlike earlier times, my call was connected in one go. I could feel a sense of relaxation in the voice at the other end after realizing that it’s an actual caller. Like all other times, I preferred to be anonymous. But it’s easy to relate to a name so we (me and Anil) finalized on one name – Tina. It’s always fun to be on-air. While I shared my views on today’s topic – what is the most fascinating thing about sex and what puts you off; I was asked to co-host the show. I managed to hide my scream when I accepted the offer. “Memorable experiences are not planned”, proved again. With a lil apprehension and tension of “How am I sounding? I hope I am not sounding like a fool” to “Should I talk now or wait for him to start?” to “Whom should I message to listen to me right now?”…and the list was endless, I somehow managed to steal some moments. So, you know all that was going at the back of my mind while I struggled to share the on-air space with Anil. Of course I could not match his charisma. Nevertheless, knowing that there were quite a lot of people who wished to be me at that very moment was exhilarating.

I co-hosted Between The Sheets as Tina for over 45minutes today!!! 3 AM it is and I am still sleepless, one can understand my excitement today. I wanted to capture the feeling by documenting it before I go to sleep. I prayed for the show to not get over ever, but it had too.

Just another day ends, registering itself in the memory lane. It has been a Happy Thanksgiving for me indeed! 🙂

How would we get to know if someone’s worth our emotions or not??

Disclaimer: The title of this post was my status update about a month ago where we (me and my friends) had an extended discussion. And as some interesting points were shared someone just suggested about writing it in a structure manner for this blog. Thanks to Rohit for providing us things to think about and for letting me write about them too. The content and the thought of this post is mostly contributed by him.

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Love is one of the basic needs of every human being just like water, oxygen & food….or “roti, kapda aur makaan”. We carry on till the time we feel significant for someone. Be it our parents, siblings, friends or someone who is more than a friend. Here I would mostly talk about the latter.

For a relationship to be strong an Honest Communication is necessary. When there is transparency in relationship, it would reach where it is meant to reach. In simple words, when you are in Love with someone; the ONLY reason of this association should be LOVE and nothing else. It’s only Love which doesn’t change if it’s true, if the reason is anything else; one can’t be sure of tomorrow. Money can go anytime, looks can fade anytime, body can ditch anytime…the only thing that will pull you through during these tough times is Love. If you genuinely Love the other person you would take care of each and everything. Variety is the spice of life, but should be introduced in different ways of Loving that one person and NOT by loving different persons. Most of the times problem comes when we follow the latter. Sailing in 2 boats is always disastrous, it affect the ones leading those boats and of course the one trying to sail on both.

To answer all the questions in one go this is what Rohit had to say about Love/Relationships:

THE THREE LEVELS OF RELATIONSHIP

A major purpose of relationship is to meet your and your partner’s needs in an expanded way. There are three levels of relationship, that is, three ways that people in a relationship meet their needs. These are :

Level One: Selfish Love (My needs come first.)

This is the least mature level. At this level, one or both of the partners are focused on meeting their own needs first. When partners have this focus, the relationship is fragile. If you put your needs first, what happens to your partner? Eventually there will be an erosion of trust and togetherness, and there may even be a conflict or dispute about who gets personal needs met first. Do you ever find yourself with your partner in a situation where you are arguing about who is right, who goes first, who gets their way? All of us do sometimes—and when we do, we are playing at relationship level one. At this level, you are rarely together; one of you comes first. Occasionally there may be some way that you can meet your needs together in the same way, but this cannot be sustained. Life doesn’t work that way—there are always points of choice where if you put yourself first, the other person will suffer. Putting the other first is the essence of trust. When two partners fail to understand each other or put each other’s needs first, then trust is being undermined by individual self-interest.

Level Two: Conditional Love (I’ll give you yours if you give me mine.)

We call level two “horse trading.” At this level, every gesture, every gift, every concession or compromise has strings attached. Nothing is given out of free will, only out of a wish for barter, fairness, or personal gain. We call a level two player by the shocking term “whore,” because what does a prostitute do? He or she gives “love” in exchange for money; without money, no “love” is given. In a relationship in which love is exchanged for favors, nothing is simple. Everything is a ploy, a calculation, an advance payment creating debt. It is difficult to accept love because we never know what the price might be. Everything is purchased. In order to avoid debt, both parties insist on creating fairness, that is, a model of even exchange. However, plans of even exchange will never create the spontaneous self-expression that leads to a passionate relationship. Trust comes not only from following a prescribed plan but also from feeling that if you should suddenly find yourself in need, your partner will come and serve you. Trust comes from the belief that the relationship is always bigger than any individual exchange or temporary advantage or debt of one partner or the other. Again, all relationships devolve to the level once in a while where it seems that things are not equal or fair. When we are at level two, we fall into blaming, suspicion, cautious truces, and exchanges. We hesitate before giving while the other person is waiting for us, in need. When that happens, do not stay at that level: It is crucial to communicate, to make needs understood, and to give to each other.

Level Three: Unconditional Love (The other’s needs come first.)

This is the level where passion and emotional juice flow. Both partners put each other first. When a partner discovers the other’s need, he or she serves that need spontaneously in the best way possible, without calculating a payback. In fact, the partners are constantly studying each other in order to understand how to serve each other better. They become experts at knowing each other’s needs. Both partners recognize that, at a deep level, they love each other unconditionally and that nothing is needed for the love to be expressed. At this level, it is easy to please each other and to share, because even if you don’t experience the same needs as your partner, you can love what he or she loves. You don’t have to worry about your needs remaining unmet because your partner habitually puts you first—all you have to do is give your partner a clue about what you need. At the level of passion, there is enough safety for you to serve each other not only by giving gifts but by penetrating each other emotionally. When there is a foundation of trust, you can express yourselves in darker and naughtier ways to give your relationship a suspenseful edge. Of course, all relationships devolve occasionally. We all have panic moments when we think that we will not be loved or that we will fall short of expectations; in those moments, we will ask for “fair exchange” or will even focus on getting our individual needs met first. However, if the “centre of gravity” of your relationship is at level three, you are enjoying one of the rare experiences of life.

This would clear the picture for you in case you are still doubtful about certain things. Undoubtedly, if someone is on level 1 and the other one is on level 2 then the best option is to say goodbye no matter how rich or beautiful/handsome the other person is. We keep on carrying the burden of such a relationship with a hope that things would improve after a certain stage in a relationship. We fail to understand, would that relationship go further in such a case…forget about achieving any stage for that matter. Sooner the better should be the mantra for a self-initiated- break-up here.

Be it any stage, things would come on the right track only IF you want them to come on the right track. When there’s a will there’s a way. And to create that will the ingredient should only be Love, any adulteration would manipulate the will and then the way might lead you to a wrong destination. So, watch out for what you are willing for….!!!

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PS. This is an attempt to right write something for my blog after a long time. I did receive few concerns from well-wishers who were curious to know about my absence. A BIG Thank you to all of you for making me feel significant in it’s own way. Looking forward to your encouragement…visible encouragement till the time I become regular in writing.

There are days when you are meant to goof up…but WHY????

I think I did something wrong today….intentions were not wrong though.

And yeah, its related to someone I have been talking excitedly about over some time in my posts.

Few days back he told me that he was upset and as I always am excited to know about him I asked about the reason only if it wasn’t personal. I heard him say that though it is a bit personal but he would share. I dint ask further at that time thinking that he would whenever he is comfortable, but I was happy with the fact that atleast he thought of sharing something personal. Now today when we were talking through electronic means of communication over a social networking site I reminded him about that instance and then he told me the reason. It was something related to a relationship in the past. Jokingly, I asked something in a very light manner (as per me) to know the number of girlfriends he had in the past…to which I got the answer “she was the first one and we were together for about 5 years” the moment I read this I realised that I might have hurt him with the way I have been treating the conversation…suddenly I felt guilty. I’m sure he wont even let me know if he was disturbed with my choice of words and that made me feel even more guilty. This was probably the first time we talked about something other than the usual stuff and I goofed up…I always do…and then complain…

I often find myself in such a situation whenever there are discussions about relationships…I have never been in one like this. I am sure it hurts way beyond words…I have seen friends cry after break ups…though I haven’t experienced, but I surely can feel their pain. Though I wanted to tell him that I am shocked to know about the mistake she has done by leaving you, I gave it another thought and stopped. If he was upset that means he still has feeling for her and if I say something like that he might not take it. Moreover, I have no right to say anything about any of them in this matter. I just hope he is over his past….and concentrates about his future…after all his present has Me…which might be there in the future too !!!! 😛

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❤ = 😀

PERFECT….!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 😉