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…She drove down to the loneliest road she could think of. Sitting at a corner of a bridge she wished that there was a faint overpass in her life too, which allowed people to reach up to her. May be she had some and she herself burnt those with her own hands. In the absence of human presence she allowed herself to break her own promise and lit a cigarette. She looked at the smoke coming out of her mouth after the first puff, there she made another wish. She wished to be the smoke, which existed yet was invisible. She wished to merge in the sound of dry leaves with the blow of wind, she wished to lose herself in the sound of screaming peacocks; her heart was screaming too, for someone who would understand her silence and embrace her the way nature embraces the earth. She looked right through the jungle…through the trees to find the answers but there was none. When there is no one to listen, it is better to speak to the nature…but don’t expect the answers. A drop of tear rolled down her cheek without her permission. In an effort to control that another one became a rebel and then the other and the other. She sat down helpless and scared… Scared of losing control on herself. She was scared that she might repeat what she had seen all her life and what she despised all her life. May be it was this fear that kept her alone, maybe it is this fear which will make her live alone. She always was at the receiving end…of all the hate, the anger, the frustration, the confusion, the regret, the helplessness … And knew that she won’t ever be at the other end…the giving end. The moment she would realise that she has travelled at that far end where she never wanted to be, that probably would be the end of her.

Read between the lines

09-01-2013 22-59-34

 

 

When it comes to theory everyone prefers to be ‘direct’. Oh yes, its The Flashy word these days; an ornament that people believe to ‘wear’ to be ‘in fashion’. On the contrary the reality is still the same, people still talk behind your back. This is not new; I have been meeting such people every now and then. We all do, isn’t it? So what makes me write this post today?

Well….this is my ‘enough is enough’ post. You may want to skip it if you think that you would feel ‘offended’ with the introduction of my darker shade.

I am usually a patient person; there already is so much happening in my life leaving no time to dissect somebody else’s. Neither am I interested. You are good to me, I am good to you – is what I try to follow. In fact, at times I have given so much benefit of doubt to certain people that I ended up getting hurt. There of course are few that I came across, who I simply don’t want around, basically the fake ones. You know, there always are few attention seekers and the ones who are extra sugary to you in front and are bitchy for sure at the back. I find it better to keep distance from such people. It might be a regular practice for them to fake smile and concern, but I can’t do it; unless it’s professionally required. Being a professional we often are forced to be nice to people we can’t stand even for a minute. I ensure not to drag the ‘formality’ to my personal life. I feel sad to realize that life has become a business; we fake our concerns too much in professional life that we become bound by it. I know people who back stab those so called ‘close friends’ who adorned them in their profile pictures. And then they preach about how essential it is to be amiable with them for professional health (even on Facebook??).

We often fail to judge people, I do too. I have a track record suggesting not to trust anyone further, but then I think of not punishing everyone because of one.

The recent stint was strange. I never met such kind of person before. Someone I knew for over a year. She has been through a lot of ups and downs in her personal life. And at the same time has been a gossip stock for many. I preferred not to be a part of gossips and not to judge her on the basis of them. She was nice to me and beyond that it’s her life and her decisions. I wonder if she ever came across anything wrong said by me for her. But do such people consider that? Now I know that they don’t.

So this girl introduced me to a friend and later asked me if I liked him. Suggestions to meet him further were made too. “Teri baat chalau?” is something so often used by people that it makes me wonder why aren’t they getting into match-making? Anyways, my answer of course was a NO. Moreover, it wasn’t difficult for me to judge from his smile that he liked this girl.

Days went by and he was mentioned at some occasion in conversations. I added the guy on FB after few conversations through her. I have been a part of community sites and blogging world for over a decade now. And I have met numerous people online, some turned out to be great friends in real life, both male and female. I got to learn from the rest. Hence, nothing to hype it for me. Sometime back when I got the chance to interact with the girl, she told me that she was proposed by this guy. I reminded her of my words few months back. Now, I doubt if she was correct.

Later, I got to know that I was being accused of adding this guy on FB and was in fact portrayed as someone who tried to hit on him. “What the fuck?” was of course my first reaction.

I found it amusing how easy it must have been for her to say such things for me, that too when she has been the one provoking me. A girl who kept telling me how everyone talked behind her back and what all they talked about; there were words spoken against her in front of her too. And of all the people, I was being blamed by her.

Some people are so clever, there are few I know who have been making me ‘famous’ with their versions of stories just because I am not there to share the reality. And I pity those who trust them even after knowing the situations.

I was furious, of course. And I expressed it through a status update on FB. I often do this. Technology sometimes is such a boon. In FB era, one doesn’t have to keep it inside. Share it with the world; even Facebook wants to know everything that bothers you. I love this part about myself. Once someone plays a game with me and succeed, I don’t let them repeat it. Then it’s “Shut the fuck up!” stage.

Few things I want to make very clear to such people:

1)     I have the very right to kick you out of my life without giving explanations. I am very sure who I want to be associated with, and my life functions fantastic without you.

2)     If you feel offended by my status updates and think that I am too direct

  1. That’s what I call a guilty conscious, I neither mentioned you nor tagged you. I just expressed my feelings in words.
  2. Thank my decency that I don’t believe in taking names on such forums. But if the limits are crossed, I might forget this too.

3)     If you think you have the liberty to cook stories and lie about me behind my back, then I DO have the very right to express myself.

4)     I don’t need to talk to you again or ‘try’ to resolve it because I don’t want to resolve it.

5)     I won’t delete you from my friend’s list, I would rather make you read my future status updates (posted for you).

This one is especially for those who are not single and think that my single status is a threat to their relationships

1)     I have absolutely NO interest in ‘stealing’ your boyfriend or husband or whatever.

2)     I do have a spine to follow my principles.

3)     I do have a class and conscious, AND you are rather a threat to it.

 

SO…Just back off and think before you speak crap about someone who was harmless or else be ready for the standing ovation of middle finger!!!!

Being male is a matter of birth, being a man is a matter of age..but being a gentleman is a matter of choice!!

I

She struggled to live right from the moment she was born. They were all men who were after her life. Even her mother could not say a word when she was taken away to either bury alive or burnt alive. A girl child has always been a burden in an under-developed society. There is no count of how many girl children are killed before and after their birth. Though female foeticide is illegal in India and so is killing female child, but can we vouch for the fact that this law is being followed religiously????

No…we can’t. There still are some illiterate, uncivilized, brutal people who think that a girl is a burden. Amongst many illiterate men, unfortunately there are some women too.

Thanks to our ancestors for such bad gender ratio in India.

We have 933 girls in India per 1000 boys.

We have cases where old parents are sent to old-age homes, but we still want a son. Every year we are creating new records of rape and molestation cases in every part of India. These are being executed by the male specie…yet boys are great!! I am not including cases of robbery, fraud, theft etc , though they are male dominant, however now female intervention is towards the higher side as compared to the previous few years.

II

It was a chilly day in December when a female dog gave birth to 6 puppies. They were cute. Soon small kids from each corner of the locality started gathering to play with them. Some would bring food to feed them.

There were people who tried their best not to let winters affect those tiny pups and they succeeded. They had left an old blanket for them, which was the shelter for the female dog and her puppies. People who resided in the locality would feed them with warm milk, bread or chapatti every day. But one day while these puppies were playing in the play ground adjacent to the bushes where they resided, few teens came at high speeds on their bikes; apparently exhibiting some stunts. In the race to come first and become popular they dint realise when their bikes minced 2 pups. Since this accident, the female dog frantically kept her remaining 4 away from everyone else, even those who fed them initially. Few people tried to give some food to the pups as they grew weaker, but ended up in a clinic after the dog’s bite. Gradually situation worsened and those 4 pups kept dying one by one, cos of hunger and extreme cold.

III

Be it the golden era or the millennium era, a man has been known for his Casanova instinct. Playing with hearts and breaking them was a common phenomenon. And now when women have decided to walk alongside them in every sphere, they have problems. I would call it nothing but male ego, which make one shut his eyes and mouth for what a man has done. He makes a mountain out of a molehill if a woman outshines him….especially when he has been the victim.

Ok now coming to the point… I have encountered so many immature men of lately that I thought of bringing together my scattered thoughts to one place.

Read this Facebook status few days back from one of the persons whom I considered mature than the existing lot of his age group.

“All girls are basically in competition with each other for a handful eligible boys or men. I must say they are in league with each other, a secret conspiracy of hearts & pheromones. They have 2 faces that decide their mind. Head – They go for money. Tail – They go for money. Haha :-). So, supply of good girls far exceeds that of the boys who deserves them. Indeed true. Believe me”

I DISAGREE and DISLIKE….

First of all… all fingers of our hands are not the same and neither are all individuals.

Why do people come up with a statement directed to the whole lot? I know these statements arise mainly because of heartbreaks. Either one liked someone and was not paid much attention to or was simply fooled/hurt. But is that a reason to accuse the whole segment? Just because you still haven’t developed the sense of recognising these bad people and then don’t know how to deal with them, you would go on making statements for the whole lot. If men are such losers then they better accept it and work upon it rather than accusing women for the same. Section 2 simply depicts that we can’t cut ourselves from a particular segment if one person out of the lot has done something wrong. Human beings have brains so that they can think and judge, otherwise there wouldn’t be any difference between us and that female dog.

Second… Girls don’t have to indulge into competition; there are enough boys they can choose from.

Thanks to all the men mentioned in Section 1.

Third …usage of the word “supply” makes one feel as if a pimp is talking…

I wonder if men with such a thought process would remain bachelors for the rest of their lives or would they continue to pass such comments once they are married.

Are all men Dogs????

Inspite of all the reasons to say Yes, I would still say No. Just because of bad men…A few good men should not be ignored.

Fourth …There is nothing wrong in making such statements, but one should not generalise it cos even you wouldn’t want to pay for someone else’s sins. And if you are not mature enough to choose the right words…STAY OUT OF IT !!!!!

What Do You Prefer…Being Fake or Being Original???

 So here is a lil conversation between 2 people. 3 characters involved in total. X, Y and Z. Z has a special appearance for one dialogue, just like SRK’s in Om Shanti Om (he had a role to say one word ‘dialogue’…”bhaago”…remember???)

Some background for you…Y and Z are best of friends. Y accepted X’s friend request on Facebook by mistake and since then X has been commenting and expressing his views on Y’s wall and status very regularly. Now by ‘very’ in mean VERY

Y recently changed her profile pic, which was appreciated and ‘liked’ by most of the population.

But X posted on her Wall saying….

X: Photo change karo ………. :-O

To which Y replied…

Y: KYUN?

After that there was no reply from X….for xyz reasons…

Z visited Y’s Wall and saw the post. Z wondered what’s wrong with X…he is asking Y to change such an awesome pic (a pic which was clicked by Z and everyone loved that new pic)

Z: Kyu Bhai kya problem hai photo me??

X: Specs wali achhi hai…intelligent lagti hai…

Z: unki har pic achhi hai…. And intelligent ‘lagney’ ki kya zaroorat ho jab intelligent ho….right??

X: I know that…..but lagni bhi to chahiye……….

Z: thts not something intelligent people are worried about…

“Dikhave pen a jao, apni akal lagao”  😛

Y: LOL!!!

X: 🙂

After this something went on in X’s mind and he decided to send a msg to Z….with the subject line “Don’t you think it’s time?” …below are the conversations through msgs…

X: Show off is the need of time….

Z was puzzled at this guy. He once was at ‘sending-friend’s-request spree to everyone in her circle of friends. And every one ignored for a simple reason of not knowing him. Poor Y who accepted it cos there were few common friends.

Z: no…ABSOLUTELY NO !!!! I hate to be fake ….and I HATE fake people… I respect originality….”

X: Don’t be fake….show off originally….

Z: well Mr. X….pls continue showing off your originality in showing off, the way you do…and pls stop giving me advices on something that I don’t believe in…. I wont understand what you are saying cos I don’t want to and you wont understand what I am saying cos you cant…

Peace!!!

X: I am not giving any advice to you Ms. Z and m not at all trying to convince anybody…m living the way I live… moreover I was in conversation with Y and it was you who started in between… I don’t care wat you believe in…

Z: …..read your msgs again and you wud realize wat it was if not n advice…thr wsnt any need of ths communicatn anyway. And if u dint care thn u shudnt hv initiated ths… rahi baat beech me padne ki… Y is my best frnd and I do hv the right to tk a stand fr her…thr wsnt anything wrong in wat I asked, cos u probably r d only one asking her to chnge that pic…or rather ordering the same…

And btw…has anyone evr gvn u a feedbk abt your display pic??? Time to change tht too….something wch wud probably mk u luk a lil intelligent…!!!

 _________________________________________________

He dint msg since thn…

Now this makes me think why people believe in ‘showing off’??

PS. I HATE such people…..

I am alive…

…yeah, I really am!!! Struggling to find sometime for myself and for blogging. If I ever get some time I prefer to lie down…silently. Feeling each breath.. realising that I am alive…searching for the purpose of this life… I talk to myself more often these days, trying to understand what is it that I want… and what is it that I do for the same…

A lot of things are happening in my life right now… a LOT of them. Sometimes I think that I am getting burdened with the ‘overwhelming’ response that I am getting from people around and from my life…and sometime I think I need more of it to feel better…

I was never this busy…never ever… Dino made me do this to myself… I wanted to be busy as I wanted my mind to be occupied by some thoughts every second of the day…leaving no time to think about the fact that Dino is no more… but I failed…..mind is such a clever thing… inspite of all the busyness it steals time from time itself to think about him… but now I have kind of made a pact with his memories…sometimes when they flood in and I feel that I am about to break-out… I instruct my mind to send them back… and it does… thus letting me behave sane amidst the group of all sane and sophisticated people.  Mind, inspite of being clever; sometimes listens to me…. But heart is vague, even after all these years I couldn’t understand what does it want?? I know… I know… Dil toh bachcha hai jee… but mine behaves like an adult too… sometimes it demands to be pampered and the rest of the times it asks for someone whom it could pamper… sometimes it cries for me and most of the times for others… mind instructs heart everytime it is about to fall… but then…seems that the heart is deaf… it never listens to the wise advice…

 

I fall somewhere between this agruement of mind and heart… trying to figure out what is it that keeps me alive… and IF I actually am alive…?? I believe that till the time I feel sensitive about things around me I would be alive…and let me tell you the fact that I am over-sensitive about everything around me… so when someone took (read stole) my earphones from my desk I felt terrible… they were my favorite… only if someone could realise it… people often told me to keep them in bag..but then I always thought that they were safe even if they lie on my desk as I dint expect someone to do such an act which I couldn’t even dream of doing… but then 1) life goes exactly opposite of what I expect and 2) everybody is not me… anyhow, a lesson learnt and routine changed accordingly… now I keep the other set of earphones in my bag. I dint respond to the idea of floating a mail for my earphones to everyone on the floor, as the person who took them might feel offended… heights!!! Isn’t it??

Embarrassing?? What’s that?

You must have been through many embarrassing moments in your life. I have a list of them too. But this one in specific is something that haunts me every time I go shopping for footwear. And not just one or twice or thrice…I have been through these horror moments many a times.

I still remember the day when I was suppose to give some kind of shitty exam in Sarojini Nagar (SN) and then I had a plan to meet up Adi at Ansal Plaza for my some upcoming Birthday shopping. It was June and the Sun was supposed to emit scorching heat, but….but to my surprise it was raining when I came out after the exam. I couldn’t change the plan as I was not carrying my cell phone, it was prohibited in the examination hall. So…I went ahead to Ansal’s. I had told Dad (who dropped me to the venue) to ask Mom to call Adi to tell her to pick my cell up from home before meeting me.

Coming to the footwear part, I was wearing a very nice jutti bought from Dilli Haat. They were ‘in’ at that time and everyone in office was envious of me as Dilli Haat was easily accessible to me (it still is…). I used to flaunt them. But my favorite jutti couldn’t survive that rain; it died of suffocation as water filled each bit of it. It was a SCENE when I stepped onto the tiled floor of Ansal plaza…with every step I could see water coming out of my footwear. Have you ever tried drenching your shirt (a spare one…not the one you are wearing) and then slapping it on to the floor?? Yeah…that’s the noise that was coming out as a friction of my jutti and the tiled floor. Suddenly it seemed as if everyone is looking at me. I couldn’t look around. I was looking at my feet. I couldn’t hear anything apart from the noise of my footwear which was clearly audible to me in that crowded mall. With that noise at every step and that water emitting jutti, I stepped into Reebok showroom. Bought the costliest pair of floaters. It was the costliest footwear in my life till that time and the costliest one in the showroom among the floaters….to satisfy my wounded ego and to regain that ‘lost confidence’. I still have them. Even after 5 years (about to be 5) they are still wearable. They are awesome and I’m not ready to put them off the shoe rack.

If you are pitying me already…then please wait till you hear the next one. This time I was in office when my brand new chappal called it off. When I was in college all I wanted was a pair of jeans, some tees and shoes. But when in office I had limited choice as denims are allowed only on Fridays. So shoes were not a regular option anymore. I wanted variety. So hopped in to every shop in SN and Lajpat Ngr to buy the ones that made my feet look beautiful. So, there I was with my new one. After few hours of juggling in office I realized that the strap of the chappal went off. I tried everything under this world to fix it. Glue, stapler, double tape, safety pin, tape etc, but none of them worked (I wish offices to have a mochi too apart from the facilities like medical room café etc). That was such an embarrassment. And this is something which has happened to me N number of times. This is normal for me now, as in the degree of embarrassment has reduce but the element is still there.

If you think that these disasters have something to do with the quality of footwear then wait…. I have tried everything to save myself from this embarrassment but nothing helped. From Dilli Haat, SN, Lajpat etc I shifted to different showrooms but none could save me from this embarrassment.

You think that this is it?? Well… all these ones are still manageable.. but if the situation happens in front of that someone then it becomes excruciating.

The one that I’m gonna tell you about now is the one that happened in the office (I Love my office…and colleagues you know!!). All day long my sandal was fine, but as the moment came to leave office it said bye. One strap was still in place so I thought I’ll manage to reach the cab and then it’ll be okay as I would be dropped at the doorstep of my house. So I was walking awkwardly (ofcourse!!) dragging one of my legs towards the main door when I saw my-center-of-affection (of that time) coming in from the same gate. I was praying to God that he doesn’t look at me in this condition. But alas…while I was praying the only strap also broke off and when I looked ahead after noticing this I found out that he was there at the door looking at me and was holding the door open for me to cross first. WOW..!!! Guys exhibit chivalry always at the wrong time. In normal situations I would have loved this gesture BUT at that time I dint know what to do. I smiled sheepishly took my sandal in my hand and just ran away (not literally…).

The other one similar to this one is even more …embarrassing. This would top the Charts for me always.

I was meeting a school friend after a decade and I wanted to look good. Well… you know it happens when you meet your school/college friends after a long time… you wanted to look good. I tried…and as I knew that I am prone to such disasters I made sure that I wear the sandal that I trust the most. We met, we had coffee…a lot of conversation did happen over coffee and then there were good-byes when he asked if I live at the same place cos if I did he would drop me. I agreed…as it was an opportunity of spending some more time with him. And while we were walking towards the parked car the unexpected happen…my leg twisted and as a result I again had a broken sandal (@#^%!!)…yeah all beep words took a round silently in my brain to curse my fate. I just wanted to disappear from earth. I prayed for earth to part and for me to merge in that but nothing happened. He turned back when he found that I wasn’t beside him and I could only manage a shy smile. For rest of my car journey I preferred to remain silent.

Could anything be more embarrassing than that???

Sunday…. The ‘Fun’ Day (@%&¿)

 So… the thing is that it’s a Sunday and I was out for a shopping spree with my family where I dint spend a penny on anything, forced Mom to buy me a sweater which I think I would be wearing in next season. Then we came down to Haldiram’s for dinner. It’s the one on NH8 near Manesar, which I have never been to before so thought of coming here. What an end to this terrific Sunday…this place is a paradise for people who are fond of food…just like me 🙂
Chholey bhatureys, thaalies, paastaas etc are on table and I’m busy writing this post (so that my eyes are off food) with a mouth full of water (slurrrppp)…. I hate the nose for their smelling sense 👿

I Love my mineral water 🙄